Helen

Colourful midlife mum to two teens. Determined not to do as she's told and slide off into invisible old age. Much cooler at 50 than she was at 15. Host of the Teenage Kicks podcast, about mental health for teenagers.

Wot So Funee? Bug rants!

We are having a trying time with the Bug at the moment. We thought he’d outgrown his “threenager” period, and had settled back into being the thoughtful and polite boy we knew before. However it seems we were being conned into a false sense of security, as his temper is well and truly back. Whether it is down to a testosterone surge, the latest Wii game competitiveness, or the new trend for karate chopping at school, labels are not helpful, and we are somewhat bewildered by his new outlook on life. Here are some examples of his recent rants: But …

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It was the Eighties! The Gallery

Mummy was recently asked to showcase her worst fashion disaster in the Sun newspaper. She was happy to do so, cognisant of the fact that it actually was rather tasteless, but confident that the excuse of the eighties would more than compensate for her inappropriate flambuoyancy. The Sun editors changed her interview answers to portray her as “desperate Helen.” Mummy wasn’t that bothered; after all, she was pictured looking passable, in a dress she last wore 25 years ago, and had her age queried by a lot of people! This was Mummy, aged 21, thrilled with her home-made Diana-style ballgown …

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Wot so Funee? Top Christmas present for big kids (and Dads)

STOP!! If your name is Actually Daddy, stop reading this post right now. I said stop………… Do not. Scroll down. Any further. Unless you want to ruin your Christmas surprise. It is lovely. It’s a lovely selection of pants, to be honest, and the Christmas jumper is to die for, but really, you wouldn’t want to spoil the paper-ripping  effect, now would you? Has he gone…? Right, let’s get on with this. Because I have a cracking Christmas present for Daddy this year. He is going to love it. Is it just my Dad, or is it Dads everywhere that …

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What do Mumsnet, Lush, and Liz have in common?

Eight years ago today, sometime around 4am, Mummy sat with me – her 22 day old newborn – strapped to her chest, whilst both of us howled in despair. I had reflux, and howled in either pain, or hunger. Mummy was just exhausted and wanted to give up. In desperation Daddy searched for support online, and found the Mumsnet “breastfeeding with reflux” forum. We sat  there in the small hours reading the threads, wondering if we should buy the American meds they recommended, and hoping to see a small light at the end of the tunnel. In the end, Mummy gave …

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Wot so Funee? The Who’s in my head game

On long car journeys we often play Who’s in my Head to pass the time. It’s like Who’s in the Bag (where you take it in turns to ask questions with Yes/No answers about a famous person). One of us thinks of a person we all know, then the rest ask questions until someone guesses. Usually it’s easy: if I’m in charge it’s almost always someone from One Direction, or Johnny Depp; with my brother it’s usually a Star Wars character; Mummy chooses the Queen or someone from Strictly; and Daddy – well, Daddy has a standard repertoire: Katy Perry, …

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Silent Sunday

I know it’s supposed to be totally silent, but hey, I’ve already broken the rule by carving Sith into my pumpkin! I’ll await the slapped wrists from Love All Blogs… I just ‘met’ a blogger who is doing NaBloPoMo – she’s calling her daily post The Little Things. I was all set to tell her Nooooooo! NaBloPoMo is the kiss of death for a blog! But something made me think: the little things that make our life great (when it is) are the things we forget most quickly. I want to remember… The little thing: A group of teenagers rang my doorbell …

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The new NatWest Pig

Do you remember the NatWest Pig? Slightly scary creatures, these money boxes were designed in the 1980’s to encourage kids (by means of intimidation, I imagine) to save their pocket money and put it in the bank. They died out in 1988 (presumably as a result of being hacked to pieces by hallucinatory toddlers in the middle of the night), but have remained something of a collector’s item ever since. If you are made of steely enough stuff, you can buy a set on eBay for around £50. The great news is that the NatWest Pig is making a comeback, …

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I am available for movie offers…

So I got my first film part recently; I auditioned, said my lines, got the call-back, and rehearsed with my props prior to filming. I spent time in make-up, and got into costume. I did a “hero shot” with full-on wind machine, I kept my cool when the animals didn’t do as they were told, and handled the fluff-up with aplomb. I even improvised. Hey, it’s a start… * Disclosure: this is not a sponsored post. I was invited to review the Barbie Puppy Playpark and I gracefully accepted – one can always manage to accomodate an extra Barbie gadget …

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All I want for Christmas…

Dear Santa, I’m told there is no way I’m going to get what I want for Christmas this year. I’ve been reassured by Mummy that there is absolutely no way I am getting one of the things I covet most in the world. I’ve asked Daddy if he could get me one – it can’t be that difficult, they’re everwhere! Everywhere I go there are at least half a dozen, and they’re just so cute, loveable and squishy, that I can’t resist. But Daddy says no… 🙁 The Bug has made his list, and M&D aren’t arguing about it, so …

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Wot So Funee? Pandora’s Box

The transition to Key Stage 2 and Junior School has been fun, but hard work. I have loved it, relishing the challenge of something new, enjoying learning so much about the ancient Greeks, earning house points for my appreciation of mythology, focusing on the weekly value – respect, ambition, enterprise, teamwork… It has, however, been a very long half-term. At parent’s evening last week my teacher detailed to M&D what a pleasure I had been, how helpful, supportive, hard-working, and willing to have a go. But 8 weeks is a long stretch; it is something that Daddy dismissed as nonsense …

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How girl’s dresses change over the years…

  When I was a toddler, I think I was quite cute. Always chuckling, tiny bunches sprouting off the top of my head, chubby thighs, and as cheeky as they come. Of course, I was a typical toddler, always getting messy, falling down, or  waving around a spoon of something orange until it landed on Mummy, or me. And then there was snot, and other bodily fluids. Ahem… So I needed practical clothes, comfy, easy to move around in, and capable of withstanding a bit of wear and tear at the playgroup, or of handling the hot wash required to …

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10 Rules for your first half-term holiday

So you’ve done it. You’ve completed your first 8 weeks at school, and have earned a well-deserved rest. So what should you be doing with your first half term holiday? NOTHING! That’s right, I said nothing at all. If you, like me, have a white face and shadowy eyes that owe more to 8 weeks of school than to the Halloween grease-paint, you need a break! So here are my 10 rules for your first half-term holiday: Do not pick up a pen, under any circumstances whatsoever! All writing, of any kind, is completely banned. Unless you are marking the …

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Warming Chickpea and Chorizo Casserole 8 ProPoints

"chickpea, chorizo and butternut squash casserole slow cooker"

When I lived in Spain as a student I was astonished at the awful food – until I moved in with some girls who had a cook. Yes, I know, students with a cook! But that’s how seriously these people take their food, and mealtimes. After their various lectures, they would all convene back at the flat at 2pm for a hearty lunch made by Loli (she also ironed and cleaned for them, for a pittance, I seem to remember). My absolute favourite creation from Loli was a chickpea and chorizo concoction; it was invariably laced with gorgeous olive oil, …

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Wot So Funee? How my children see me…

Oh memes, and tags, and spread the word posts. Don’t you just hate them? How at first glance you think, “yeah, so not doing that one.” But you linger just a little bit longer, long enough to smile at the blogger offering herself up to your derision, long enough to think, “actually, that’s funny; that would only take me a couple of minutes, surely?” And BAM! Just like that, you’re hooked, linking yourself up, tagging another blogger, offering yourself up for their derision… This happened to Mummy yesterday; she tried to resist the offer from Kate to show the world …

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GG writes: A Halloween Mystory

Once upon a time there lived somebody called Lord Pumpkin. True to his name he was a pumpkin. He had fiery red eyes, a flaming red mouth, and a gnarled laser shoot. Also living at that time was a cat called Kitty Softpaws. She had sleek black fur and white paws which strangely had no claws; the fur can extend. She owned only a sword and some boots. She and Lord Pumpkin were bitter enemies. Each of them had an army – Pumpkin had Werewolves; Kitty had cats. Now it just so happened, they were about to have a battle. …

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Slow Food Fast

Italian cooking with kids

Which of these images is more appealing to you as a parent? Which would you prefer your child to eat? And which would your child choose? Yeah, us too, and though Mummy tries to make us cut out fast food, we do love the odd Happy Meal. As a family who eats out whenever we can afford it, we were shocked to discover that more than half of meals eaten out in Britain are at fast food restaurants . When we eat 0ut it is at Wagamama, where the Bug’s favourite dish is Chilli Squid, or at Sophie’s Steakhouse, where …

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Parmesan and pumpkin gnocchi with sage

Recipe for pumpkin gnocchi

We learned this recipe from Francesco Mazzei as part of our experience with Slow Food Kids Ingredients (serves 4): 100g                       mashed potatoes (use 2 large potatoes) 100g                       pumpkin mash (1 butternut squash) 100g                       Grana Padano 21 Months (or good quality parmesan) 100g                       00 flour Pinch of                Nutmeg 1                              egg yolk 50g                        butter 1                              teaspoon shallots 20g                         Sage (4 leaves) Method: 1)      Cook the potatoes and pumpkin in boiling water for 20-25 minutes, or until soft, then drain. 2)      Mash well and place in a large bowl. …

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Oven roasted vegetables with fresh hazelnuts

This is one of the delicious recipes we learned whilst cooking with Slow Food Kids and Grana Padano (Recipes by Francesco Mazzei) Ingredients (4 servings): 200g     Beetroot 200g      Fennel 200g      Butternt squash 200g      Purple Aubergine 2              Red onions 2              teaspoona tomato paste 50ml      Extra Virgin Olive oil 50g         Fresh hazelnuts or cobnuts Salt & Pepper 2              Tablespoon honey 500ml    Raspberry vinegar 50g         Grana Padano 21 Months shavings Fresh Herbs for decoration (Chervil, Basil, celery cress)  Method: 1)      Place the beetroot in a pan of cold water; bring …

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Wot So Funee? How to change your parents

Prompted by I’m Counting UFO’s #funee post last week I remembered that actually I had wanted to change my Mummy recently. I knew I couldn’t, but after I’d doled out all the requisite slander – “You’re the worst Mummy in the world, you hate me, I hate you, you love the Bug more than me…” I pulled out my best lines to really sock it to her. “I’m going to tell Laura tomorrow, and she’s going to tell her Mum, and then her Mum will hate you too, and you’ll have no-one to speak to on the playground.” Mummy, having …

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