Helen

Colourful midlife mum to two teens. Determined not to do as she's told and slide off into invisible old age. Much cooler at 50 than she was at 15. Host of the Teenage Kicks podcast, about mental health for teenagers.

My name is GG and I watch TV…

Prompted by a thread on Mumsnet this week Mummy got rather mixed up in a debate over the rights and wrongs of watching TV as a child. It seems some bloke has advocated banning TV entirely for the under-3’s. For God’s sake! The under-3’s?? I have about enough time to eat my tea, go to a couple of playdates, do my homework, complete my music practice, and read a book or several before bed, without worrying about when I’m going to find a window for Tracey Beaker or Horrid Henry. Don’t get me wrong, I will sit for 36 hours in …

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What child marriage really means, and how you can help

My Auntie J lost her sons recently. I don’t mean lost as in she misplaced them – that would have been simply careless, they are in their 20’s after all. But they left home, you see, went off to start their independent lives. Incidentally, I’m kind of hoping that means they might get married, because I’ve never been a bridesmaid… But anyway, I digress. Auntie J has always been a carer: a great mum to her boys, our favourite relative to visit, and a nurse. When she became an ’empty-nester’ she had a hankering to do something different with her …

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Wot So Funee? The Family Chortlequaffer

We’re not big milk drinkers in our house. Mummy says she tickled my ear and sat through endless Baby Einstein recordings in her efforts to make me drink just one more ounce from my baby bottle. The Bug was worse – his dairy intolerance led to him being prescribed a dreadful chemical concoction smelling more like blue cheese than the sweet milk of a baby. Consequently we lost the milk habit very young, and our calcium these days is more likely to come from cheese, broccoli, and dried apricots (did you know, 3 dried apricots contain as much calcium as …

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ONE Mums: What being a Mum means to me…

This week sees Michelle and Jen from BritMums travelling to Ethiopia with ONE Mums, an organisation dedicated to raising awareness of extreme poverty and preventable disease. ONE is not a charity, and is not asking for your money. All they need is for you to add your voice to the movement that is keeping this issue on the political agenda for change. Here’s how you can help: 1. Sign up to ONE using the box above, and add your voice to the campaign. Remember, you will not be asked for money, and it only takes one Mum to grow the fight against …

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Slow-cooked smoky beef casserole: 5 WeightWatchers ProPoints

Slow Cooker Beef Casserole 7 WeightWatchers ProPoints

This weekend Mummy served this slow-cooked smoky beef casserole instead of roast dinner. I was inclined to kick-off, because Sunday roast is my favourite meal of the week. But I found myself sneaking into the utility room to check on the slow-cooker, because the smells wafting out were just so tempting. Once again, Mummy cooked for about 10 minutes and then produced this rich, smoky-scented dinner about 8 hours later! Serves 6: this recipe has been created by us, using the WeightWatchers ProPoints system. It is not a WeightWatchers recipe. You will need: 8oog lean casserole steak, cubed 20g plain …

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I am MAD, bad, and dangerous to know… and where that dress came from!

Ahem. Let’s just get this straight. This is Mummy we’re talking about now, not me. I am, of course, sensible, angelic, and very safe to know indeed. It’s Mummy you want to avoid; especially when she’s been on the popping wine…  Image courtesy of Mummy Daddy Me  If your contact details are in Mummy’s email account you may remember having seen a missive from her sometime around March, asking you to vote for her in the MAD Blog Awards. Probably a bit bemused, some of you did. Others pointed out that she may have upset a vast number of her …

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GG gets a MAD Award from Myleene Klass. And a top night on the town…

Little did I know, when Mummy switched from hand-written to online diary 18 months ago, that the result would be this: GG and Myleene Klass wear Leopard Print for the Schooldays category, sponsored by Startrite Shoes Oh, and this: Friday night saw The MAD’s and we were finalists in the Schooldays Category. For those readers who do not blog,  think “OSCARS” but for Parenting Bloggers (MAD: Mum and Dad), and you’ve got the general idea. Special outfits, speeches, beautiful dinner tables, tears, and an after party… There will be more about Mummy, her outfit, her acceptance speech *yawns* – but …

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It’s the MAD’s today! What do we think about that??

* This post has been updated, please read on down… GG has been excited for weeks. She has been counting down the days. She finished ticking off the days on her calendar on Wednesday. The MAD’s (Mum and Dad Blogging Awards) are today, and it seems she couldn’t wait. So I was surprised when the first thing concerning her this morning was a music lesson… Tonight we are heading into London for a very grand awards ceremony. We have fine clothing and champagne (read lemonade). You can watch the awards online here (to be updated) and of course there will …

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Wot So Funee? The Bug

At what age do children really start to make sense, do you think? Recently I have uttered very little in the way of #funee verbal errors. My writing has been logical, with good spelling, and sensible dénouement. Hence I am forced to feature my 5-year-old brother today, and his best friend: Bug: England is the capital of London Bug’s Friend: Wales is in the Kingdom of the United Bug: Manchester United? Bug: I’m having my birthday for camping! BF: Oh, I really wanted to miss you… Bug: Why is your Grandad old? Isn’t that the most disjointed conversation you’ve ever heard?? I have no idea what …

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Finicky Shirts: the one where we discover that Daddy is a really weird shape

My Daddy is a short-arse. I’ve heard him say so himself, so I know I’m allowed to say it too. I’m not sure why then, when I tell my little brother he is a “pain in the arse” I get into trouble for using a square-word. It seems a bit two-faced to me. Anyway, I digest… The fact is that Daddy is a really weird shape. Short legs and arms, more J-Lo than he would like, he finds it difficult to  find a shirt that fits well. Well guess what? We found Finicky Shirts, who will create tailor-made shirts for …

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Wot So Funee? Listography: Top 5 truths – according to women

  Listography is back over at Kate Takes 5, and this week she is featuring the top 5 truths – according to women. You see women (and this is an important distinction to make) tell the best truths, the ones that don’t stop at simple fact, but include all possible intimations and hidden meanings. Women are even good at reading into a situation and finding all the meanings that aren’t there! So women have it covered. Now, add an 8-year-old into the equation and you will discover the most sublime truths ever known to mankind (and women). Top 5 Truths – according …

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Wot So Funee? The one where gin is Mummy’s ruin

I have been around Mums for long enough now to know that gin (and sometimes wine) is a hot topic of conversation. Mummy is more likely to be found sipping sauvignon, but Friday is Gin night, the start of the weekend, and the first sound of Daddy’s key in the door sees ice-cubes hurtling out of the mega-fridge and the Bombay Sapphire separated from it’s sticky mates Cointreau and DiSaronno. There is a saying that Gin is Mother’s Ruin, but I think it is for different reasons that Mummy came a cropper with it recently… Supermarkets are places the Bug …

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Can you really do a posh London restaurant with children?

Guest post from Mummy… Remember the Oxo Tower? The Palais du Jardin? The Ivy? Oh, erm, no – I never did manage to get a reservation there, unless you count the one for dinner on a Monday in 7 months time, at 3.47pm, table back by 4.30 please… Anyway, those were the days, weren’t they? The days before the kids had us eschewing the fine dining in London that we were used to. Yes, those days, the ones which relied on a dual income, plenty of free time, and table manners! Going out for a meal is now more likely to …

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Things to do on a beach

Our week in Brittany was courtesy of Siblu Holidays, which we highly recommend as an affordable but quality family holiday. The beaches in Brittany are awesome, and as you can see, it’s pretty easy to find something to keep us amused, whatever the weather!

Wot so Funee? Bad things about Mums…

Last week Wot So Funee? was brought to you by my friend C, who was missing her Mummy, and filled a whiteboard with all the good things about Mums. Meanwhile, here is what I wrote on the other side:   My Mum dances. In front of my friends. To One Direction. She thinks she appeals to my friends by doing that. She doesn’t. She just looks like a weirdo. Ditto the singing. Why she can’t see my eyeroll and hear my sigh is totally beyond me. Embarrassing – see 1 & 2 She is always telling me off for bossing …

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How to make a pirate eye patch

How to make a pirate eyepatch

Those of you who know me well are aware of the fact that Mummy is rubbish at craft. So it’s lucky for the Bug that we know Stacey, who has written us a guest craft tutorial today on how to make a pirate eye patch. It’s so simple, I’m pretty sure even Mummy could do it! Ahoy shipmates! Pirates are very popular at the moment. This cheap and easy-to-make eye patch will come in very useful for children’s parties or fancy dress. It is simple enough to make with your children although some of the cutting out is a bit tricky. …

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Starting School: things parents need to know

For as long as you’ve known her, you’ve been the centre of her world. Whatever she needs, you’ve had it covered. You’ve overseen her milestones, and helped her navigate her friendships. She’s found her way through nursery, and flown solo without you there to see her triumphs. But now it’s time for starting school: a totally different ball game; a six-hour day without you. Not only that, but a day where 29 other children are also looking for the attention of a single stranger. And get this: that stranger is not there to play, cuddle and nurture; she is there …

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