Helen

Colourful midlife mum to two teens. Determined not to do as she's told and slide off into invisible old age. Much cooler at 50 than she was at 15. Host of the Teenage Kicks podcast, about mental health for teenagers.

Boys don’t wanna have fun (if it involves the Royal family!)

Wedding fever has gripped at least part of the nation this weekend. Naturally, I have been caught up in this, attending the screening of the event at my school in my best wedding dress (I have 2, just in case). As the bride walked down the aisle I gripped Mummy’s hand and shed a couple of tears, the emotion of this real-life fairy tale being too much for me to contain. I then managed a disdainful glare at the handful of boys who had been dragged, no doubt kicking and screaming, to the event, only to indulge themselves in playfighting …

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Funny things kids say – The Bug aged 4

kids laughing

Funny things kids say Diary entry. GG. Age 6 1/4 I like to think that I speak rather well. From the moment of my first utterance Daddy has been priming me with the most elaborate and un-childlike words he can think of. Usually when he has nothing much else to do, such as when supervising the bath. Hence my ability to correctly enunciate the term ‘dermatologically formulated’ before the age of two. He believes it will make me sound more intelligent as I grow up, but the more usual reaction is fits of giggles from Mummy, or bemused stares from strangers. Obviously the Bug uses …

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Tooth Fairy Misadventures (part 1)

In addition to this blog, I am writing a nightly journal. My first entry attempts to encapsulate the first 6 years of my life succinctly, so that I can move on to the cataloguing of  present-day events. As you will see below, a certain mythical friend has taken on a significance of epic proportions in my opening statement The Tooth Fairy (or T.F. as she is known in our household) has become something of an infatuation recently. She has made 2 visits to our house this week already, and I am currently working hard on securing another nocturnal stopover from her. …

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Accidentally?

‘Mummy, I accidentally ate an ice lolly….’  

A Mothers Day shopping list

My Mothers Day shopping list Mother’s Day is one of the most important days of the year – third only to Christmas and my own birthday. School has been prepping me for this happy day for several weeks now. Each afternoon has seen me returning home with an additional line under my belt to the celebratory song which begins ‘My Mum’s ever so special…’. I have had a home-made card in my book-bag for a good few days; the strain of keeping it hidden through the daily bag searches that Mummy performs has been almost unbearable. I have spent several nights unable …

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I need to get out more.

By GG, aged 6 I am quite a busy girl. Aside from the fact that Mummy commandeers an unreasonable amount of my leisure time for such activities as clearing the table, putting my shoes away, brushing my teeth, and going to the toilet before we leave the house, I also have quite a number of other commitments to keep up with. For starters, I am attempting a school record for how many playdates I can fit into just half a term. So far I’m doing quite well, although the Bug has recently started adding his own social engagements to the diary, which …

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Cute things my brother says.

So, we’re watching Dumbo last night (I know, it’s not the visual masterpiece of Disney’s more recent creations, but it’s only 60 minutes long, and that’s how much time we had before the much anticipated final of Dancing on Ice). We get to the bit where the hallucinatory dancing elephants morph into various incarnations. Bug finds all this hilarious, until one of the elephants is hit by lightening. ‘Ouch’ he says. ‘That would of stinged’ . Bit of an understatement, I thought, but hey, fairly perceptive for a 3 year old!

What a Nightmare! Top tip for dealing with bad dreams

Last night I had a nightmare. I was in the final of Strictly Come Dancing (yes, of course I’m that good). For some reason we had drawn the short straw and instead of being in a glitzy ballroom we were in the school hall. Not only that, but the head judge was a sorcerer, whose modus operandi was to throw dirt in the loser’s face. Now, 6 years of experience has taught me that the waking up of Mummy is only to be tackled after much consideration. So when I awoke, sweaty and indignant at the injustice of my subconscious ballroom failure, I …

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