Miscellaneous

Mums Show Live (or what the hell do you do with them once they’re school-age?)

If you’re anything like me you went to the Baby Show when you were pregnant with your first child. In fact, if you’re anything like me you did everything it was possible to do when pregnant with your first child. Yoga, massage, nesting, final flings, made-up excuses for another emergency scan… “Hello? Is that John Lewis? Can I book an appointment to consider my buggy options with you? And do you sell those newborn baby baths-that-are-really-just-a-bucket in an array of colours depending on the outcome of my child? What? You don’t recommend visiting before I’m actually pregnant? Oh. Oh, well I’ll …

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Brain fog: Wot so Funee?

By The Bug, aged 5¾ I’m not sure what it is with the women in my house at the moment. It’s like they’ve all got some kind of dementia. I mean, with Mummy you’ve got to expect it – she’s forever forgetting where I left my water bottle, and it’s got to the point where I may as well just put my pants in the wash-basket myself these days – she’s really not on top of things like she once was… But now my sister has brain fog as well! Daddy says she has her head in the clouds, which …

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Erm, where did my Mum go?

Mummy has been acting a bit odd recently. Not like her usual self at all. Recently she became one of the finalists in the MAD Blog Awards 2013. She was really, really happy. She might even have voted for herself (I told her that was probably against the rules, but she wouldn’t listen – and she has the audacity to scold me for the slightest transgression)! But she didn’t do what she did last year and break her email account with requests for votes to friends, colleagues, ex-boyfriends, and cousin’s of Daddy’s friends’ dogs. A playground mum congratulated her on …

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That Helen Keller was soooo lucky! A Wot so Funee? post

As many of you are aware, I’m a reader of the late-night variety. I have had my book-case surgically removed from my bedroom by my sleep-worshiping parents, and I step foot out of my bedroom during official sleeping hours at my peril. However, being less devout and more youthful in outlook than my past-it tired elders, I can go to all sorts of lengths to achieve a night-time read. Anyway, I don’t consider myself abnormal. Most of my friends are keen on the pursuit of covert reading. In fact, a good friend of mine recently took up the hobby and has myriad …

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Letters from Bedtime Bear: Wot so Funee?

We went to visit Grandma recently. Naturally our bedtime bears came with us. Every single time we pack to come home, we leave something behind. Last time it was all Mummy’s underwear, in a Florida hotel. The rest of the holiday saw her rinsing her smalls every night and hanging them under the ceiling fan to dry before tomorrow! This time we left Doudou. He was quite comfy, snuggled under the duvet, but an emergency phone call was put in to Grandma to retrieve him from his cosy hiding place. He sent a couple of emails to Mummy regarding his …

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Do you really want to be a parent?

Why is it that we never tell expectant parents the truth? Parents wax lyrical about the joys of being a parent. Like a cheerful gang of die-hards, they laugh off the well-quoted exhaustion, discuss – endlessly – the requirement for wine, and welcome each new recruit with a knowing smile and a wink of collusion to the gang behind your back. And you learn. You learn to cope, you learn what those winks meant, and you learn to worry… Finally, I’m going to tell you the truth about parenting: For non-parents, weekends bring fun and games: maybe a couple of beers …

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Pillow Pets: Wot so Funee?

Image courtesy of the Disney Store Isn’t he cute? Stitch – the Bug took a fancy to him immediately on arrival at Disney World in Orlando, having never once watched an episode of Lilo and Stitch on TV. It’s so easy to spend money at Disney – there is cuteness everywhere you look. Even if you steer clear of the gift shops, you can’t fail to be swept along with the magic on the streets. Most of our requests were rebuffed by M&D, but by the law of averages we prevailed, and secured a couple of these: How could any …

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Sibling Harmony: Wot So Funee?

I am back from my little project (more on that soon) and am indebted to Just a Normal Mummy and Mummy Never Sleeps for hosting this linky for the last 2 weeks. Not only did they do a hilariously good job of posting, and sharing all your lovely posts, they also broke the record for the number of people linking up! Apparently you were bribed with gin in week 2. I’m not averse to bibery, and I have just been through Duty Free (I have a LOT of Haribo) – just saying… There is often a fair bit of dischord …

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How to still dress cool at 50 with Zalando

Simple! Take one very cool Zebra print jacket… add one set of hot jeans… and the coolest boots in the world. Ease one 50 year old Mum into jeans (they’re stretch…), checking purchased length was exactly right for the perfect “tuck-into-glorious-boots” effect. Slip aforementioned Mum’s arms into Zebra jacket, ignoring the nervous “are you sure, darling?’s” issuing from her puckered lips. Gaze reverently at fur cuffs on high-rise heels, before gently sliding onto matriarch’s foot (carefully avoiding bunions). Stand well back – matrons on heels can be unpredictable and dangerous. It’s something to do with rickety bones and dessicated joints. Admire …

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Desperate measures

This week your host is Helen over at Just a Normal Mummy. Now, a small word of warning: don’t go there if you can’t handle square-words, because she uses them a lot! But then that WallyBubba she’s raising over there sounds like she would drive poor Maria VonTrapp to the gin 😉 Last week I told you how the Bug was poorly. Thankfully he’s a lot better, but the inconsiderate little creature has only gone and passed his cough and sore throat on to me! I’m less grumpy than fiery when I’m ill, so EVERYONE has been in a lot …

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The best day of my life – not normal

Here’s how my day went: Daddy went to work at Thorpe Park as normal. Me and the Bug went to school, as normal. School was normal. 10 minutes before school was due to end, one of the ladies from the office came and asked if I could please leave. I was a bit worried. Not normal. Mummy ran me to the car and took us to Thorpe Park. Really not normal for a Thursday. I saw Liam from One Direction throwing balls at cuddly gonks. Way beyond normal. Liam turned, said “Hello darling!” and signed my diary. He called the …

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Poorly: Wot so Funee?

I’ve got a shed-load on this week, so the quite frankly hilarious Cas from Mummy Never Sleeps, has kindly offered to host Wot So Funee? for me. If you don’t know this blog, you’re in for a treat! She is feisty and funny and you will be adding her to your Google reader (or whatever random substitute you’ve settled on in the wake of it’s demise) toute suite! Here’s my #funee for the week: The Bug has been poorly this week. He has a sore throat and a cough that has us all awake intermittently through the night. Consequently he …

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Doing something ridiculous for Comic Relief

I went all out to embarrass my mum today. Egged on by the lovely Mummy Alarm, she decided to give this dress one more outing by joining #TeamHonk’s Red Nose Day Team for Comic Relief. Originally she asked 100 people to donate £1 each. On reaching her target, she promised to wear the silver ball gown she last wore aged 21, to her Eighties themed rehearsal at Rock Choir. Which she did: But not content with that, Mummy raised the bar, by promising to wear the dress again, on Red Nose Day, on the school-run! #nutter… She wanted £200 before she would …

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I’m saving my pocket money: Wot so Funee?

What’s the right age for children to have pocket money? If it were down to me I’d have been spending an allowance from day dot, but I was probably 5 when I got my first ever Pocket Money. Me and the Bug get £2 each on a Saturday. £1 goes into our Piggy Bank for spending on random tat and stuff we want that we’re not allowed.* The other £1 gets swallowed by another money box to which we are not allowed access. Mummy claims that when it is full, she puts it into an ISA in our name. The …

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What to do on a sunny day…

We are a bit sick of the cold. It is set to snow again this weekend, and my mind is on holidays. I crave the warmth of sunshine, or at least the cheer of a fresh bright morning. Is it just me who thrills to the sight of a sunny day? Is the school-run suddenly different, more interesting? No, of course not; it is we who change at the first emergence of the sun; our moods that swing to the ascendant as the sun rises feebly over the playground. It puts a smile on our faces; we didn’t know we were …

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I believe… please help: Wot so Funee?

Four years ago me and the Bug, plus M&D went on holiday with some very good friends. We had the most fabulous holiday, and the presence of my friend’s Mum was a huge advantage, given that she is the best natural family photographer in Hertfordshire! I got this as a housewarming gift later that year: This was followed by a beautiful book of images that we treasure, laughing as we recall a game in the shallow water, a mocktail on the beach, or the sandcastle moat competitions organised daily by our fathers. Oh how we loved that holiday! And how …

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The most ridiculous idea for Comic Relief

Here’s what I’m doing for Comic Relief. I’m going round the playground telling all my friends to get their mums to log on and sponsor my Mum. Because I want to see her cringe. Because I know she doesn’t want to do this. And for that reason I want to see her do it all the more. Mummy promised to wear a silver ball gown from her Twenties to her Eighties dress up Rock Choir rehearsal in aid of Comic Relief. She wanted 100 people to donate £1 each to make her do it. Thanks to some very generous people …

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20 facts you need to know about head lice

I managed to escape the curse of headlice until the age of 7. Mummy thought it was because she was so meticulous about combing conditioner through my hair every time we washed it. But inevitably the day came when we had to face facts. Head lice come to us all at some point. Sadly we discovered it at bed-time, after a particularly long day – you can see here how that went! I have super-thick hair, so I spent 2 hours in a bath while Mummy practically scalped the nits off me. Such was her horror and desire to never …

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Can McVite’s Breakfast Biscuits keep you going all morning?

We’re big breakfast fans in our house. If M&D stay in bed too long, I will eventually make my own breakfast, spraying Rice Krispies liberally around the kitchen to make the point that they really should get up earlier. They can be heard audibly crunching their way round the kitchen as they attempt to hold back square-words. Mummy, on the other hand often contributes to the almost 4 billion breakfasts eaten on the go every year; she will often snack on cereal bars and fruit all morning. But she had never previously tried the various Breakfast Biscuits on the market, …

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A half-term family holiday in France is closer than you think

It’s snowing. Again. I’m bored now, and instead of the excitement of a glittering white blanket of silence outside, all I see out of my bedroom window is another long day indoors. I might momentarily relish the slothful prospect of staying in pj’s, but such thrill soon dissolves, to be replaced by sibling quarrels as dirty as the grey slush which lines the gutters. What I need now is a holiday, or at least the delicious anticipation of spending my half-term break somewhere warm, with a great pool, lots to do, and close to a fabulous beach. The May half-term …

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