Helen

Colourful midlife mum to two teens. Determined not to do as she's told and slide off into invisible old age. Much cooler at 50 than she was at 15. Host of the Teenage Kicks podcast, about mental health for teenagers.

Hogwarts at Christmas: my Mum is a witch

  My Mum is evil. I don’t say this lightly, because I love my Mum – today. I didn’t yesterday because she did the Hogwarts at Christmas tour. And she didn’t take me! I know! Evil, right? The Making of Harry Potter studio tour from Warner Brothers has been closed for a week – which is pretty epic news in itself, given that 6,000 visitors pass through its doors each day. But this is what they’ve been doing: They actually sieved fake snow onto the awesome Hogwarts model! Part of the tour over the festive period involves an explanation of …

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Wedding vows: part 2

The groom read his vows from his tablet

Image credit: Stephanie Belton Having seen the love for Mummy’s wedding vows, Daddy was keen to share his own words from the day. It’s copy pasted from his own typing, which he sent from his iPad, which he also used at the altar to read his vows from! Hels Bels, H Mc B, I really do love you so much. You are & will always be my best friend. You give me advice & support when I ask for it, tell me to pull myself together when I don’t ask. Though sometimes you do seem to take my bosses point …

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Our wedding readings to Mum and Dad: Wot so Funee?

Not a misappropriated word or witty anecdote this week, simply a reiteration of wedding readings my brother and I made at M&D’s vow renewals. Some cute, some funny, all endearing, and for some reason made my Mum cry. Can’t think why, I did my bit perfectly! GG’s reading, from A Lovely Love Story, by Edward Monkton: The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage. Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur. The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts. I …

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Life Lessons: How to be a Feminist

I have wanted to write to my children – especially my daughter -about feminism for a long time. Since I was first targeted by a handful of women who decided that I was sickening, because of the way I write this blog. The trouble is, when a woman writes about feminism, there’s always the chance that a feminist will pitch up and attempt to put her in her place. So I wimped out and asked a man to give me his opinion. Stuart Heritage writes for the Guardian, amongst other gigs, and if you can get past the fact that he …

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Renewing our wedding vows – my promise to you

By Helen, to Jason… M&D 2000 My wedding vows to you… Things I have learned in 13 years of marriage. Marriage is not hearts and flowers. That is romance. It is not expensive dinners and weekends in the country. That is courtship. Although our weekends in the country usually involved a rainy football match in Swindon. I think you’d call that love. Marriage is not white dresses and diamond rings, canapés or cake. (Although cake, it has to be said, is of vital importance to most things). Marriage is not a happy ending. It is socks on the floor, coffee …

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Dancing without stabilisers

By GG and the Bug…    Shhh! More exciting news on the wedding anniversary party. Don’t tell Mummy I’ve hijacked her computer. It’s supposed to be a secret. Remember how we told you that M&D wanted to do a few things differently to their wedding 13 years ago? Well one of those things happens on the dance floor. Last time there had been far too much wine to afford anything more than a shuffle during their first dance. In fact, as Mummy tells it, Daddy used her to help him remain on his feet for the whole of Shania Twain’s You’re …

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Beautiful artwork and personalised cards at a sensible price

By GG… On Monday I shared the very exciting news with you that Mum and Dad are getting married. Again. It has been 13 years since they married, and whilst they had a fabulous day, with good friends and family, there are now other people in our lives who we didn’t know then, and we want to celebrate with them too. A large part of these new additions to our social circle has been afforded purely by the arrival of moi. Well, moi and mon cute petit frère. From ante-natal coffee-mates, to a select number of mothers trusted to walk us …

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When I grow up: Wot so Funee?

By the Bug I’ve discovered a new passion at school, and so I have decided what I’m going to be when I grow up. We’ve been learning about science, watching cheese, and bread and acorns fester and go mouldy in our classroom. I’ve seen films about scientists, and I like the look of what they do in their labs. So when I grow up I’m going to be a scientist. I announced this fact to my family just the other day: “I’m learning to be a good scientist, so I might be a bit busy sometimes when I come home …

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Life Lessons: How to have the wedding you want

By Helen… Dear children, 13 years ago today your Dad and I had the most amazing party. It was bonfire night, and we’d booked fireworks for our wedding celebrations. There was an Abba tribute band, terrible food, and too much wine; no-one wanted to go home. Looking back, I wouldn’t have changed much of that day at all, but there were many things I wished we had done differently in the months preceding our big day, and a couple of them have nagged at me over the years. When your own big days come – if and when you decide …

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Date Night for Mums and Dads??

By GG…  Date night. Two words which leave me shuddering in disgust. It’s not so much the getting ready – I’m actually quite partial to Mummy’s wardrobe, and there’s always a chance of a dab of powder and a smear of lippy coming my way if I keep her company as she dresses. It’s not the prospect of a babysitter either. I’m a savvy creature, and I can normally convince them that yes, I am allowed to stay up for the whole of X Factor, and yes, I usually get hot chocolate and hobnobs before I go to bed. So …

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When pyjama day became party day: Wii Party U review

A rather epic parcel arrived in the post yesterday. As with another recent delivery, the word awesome was used quite a lot by my brother. As luck would have it, yesterday was also the day we had planned for a pyjama day, and we quickly cast aside all thoughts of baking, movies and craft in favour of exploring this box of goodies. We were beside ourselves with excitement and wanted to get started straight away. It did take Mummy about half an hour to set us up, but then she is a neat freak and wanted all the cables tidied …

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Bullies: Wot so Funee?

Short and sweet for us this week, but here’s one from The Bug: I’m delighted to confirm that I have moved up 3 book levels in my first half term of Year 2 at school. I’m particularly taken with a book series about Big Barry Baker. I’m less keen on my mother’s attempts to focus me on the wider issues in the text I’m reading. We recently read Big Barry Baker and the Bullies. Two chapters, and I read them very well, thank you. Then begins the inquisition: “Why do you think children become bullies?“ She begins to quiz me. “They’re …

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Saturday night is Sodastream cocktails night!

By GG… It’s the weekend! Which in our house heralds only one thing. Daddy cracks open the Sodastream flavours and mixes some mean cocktails! We reviewed our Sodastream Source machine back in June when Daddy took a nostalgic trip back in time on Father’s Day, recalling how he had once attempted to fashion champagne from a bottle of Blue Nun in the seventies. The new machines have come a long way since then, and ours is elegant enough to be allowed a permanent spot on Mummy’s minimalist kitchen work surfaces 😉 Now, we tried them all at the time and …

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Instagram fridge magnets: genius idea for Christmas Stocking Fillers

I have been 9 for all of 3 days. It was great, but it’s finished now, so I’m looking forward to Christmas 😉 I used to think that the best part of Christmas was unwrapping presents, but now I’m ancient, I actually love the shopping even more. And with only £2 pocket money a week (I know!!!) I can only afford the stocking fillers. So I was thrilled to discover Stickygram. Something about Instagram appeals to the narcissist in me – I have been known to take ‘selfies’ behind Mummy’s back on numerous occasions: With Stickygram, you can create Instagram …

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Wot so Funee? Violin Practice

by GG… Mummy and Daddy went out last week. They left us with the babysitter, and the strict instruction to go to bed after 10 minutes of TV. Then I remembered I had to brush my teeth. Then I remembered to go to the toilet. Then I remembered to tidy up my books. Then I remembered to do my violin practice. I made a pact with the babysitter to wear that all of it only took 10 minutes. Then I had to come down and write Mummy a note. I left it outside my door. Now, if you have your …

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I took the Savage Challenge. Will you?

Would we take the savage challenge and eat the grasshoppers?   Today sees the start of the Savage Challenge blogger book tour, and I’m delighted to kick off the challenge by telling you a little bit about both the tour, and the book which inspired it. Over the next 20 days, 20 fabulous bloggers will be setting you a #savagechallenge. Read on to discover the theme for today’s challenge. Discover the Savage World The book itself is the kind of read that children won’t notice they’re reading – even reluctant readers very quickly start to find themselves immersed in discovering …

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Skylanders SWAP Force is here!

By the Bug… I am the envy of all my friends. Skylanders SWAP Force is in shops today, but I’ve had it for a whole week already so I could review it and let you know what I think. Which means I have been much in demand for playdates. Understandably, as the Portal Master in our house, I impose certain conditions upon players. They are as follows: Skylanders SWAP Force – Bug’s rules of the game Swapability – you may swap the 16 SWAP Force characters into more than 250 unique combinations, but I retain final approval – especially over …

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Pocket Money: Wot so Funee?

From the lips of the Bug… I have an axe to grind with Mummy. You see, we’re supposed to get £2 each every Saturday, but we forget to ask, or she forgets to pay, or we’re out without money when we remind her. It’s all very convenient… She has promised to set up a Roosterbank or PKTMNY account for us so that money can be sent magically from her account to ours every week by pocket money fairies. I’m not exactly sure how I get it out of there to spend it, but I’m not fussy, if it’s in my …

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