Helen

Colourful midlife mum to two teens. Determined not to do as she's told and slide off into invisible old age. Much cooler at 50 than she was at 15. Host of the Teenage Kicks podcast, about mental health for teenagers.

20 facts you need to know about head lice

I managed to escape the curse of headlice until the age of 7. Mummy thought it was because she was so meticulous about combing conditioner through my hair every time we washed it. But inevitably the day came when we had to face facts. Head lice come to us all at some point. Sadly we discovered it at bed-time, after a particularly long day – you can see here how that went! I have super-thick hair, so I spent 2 hours in a bath while Mummy practically scalped the nits off me. Such was her horror and desire to never …

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Can McVite’s Breakfast Biscuits keep you going all morning?

We’re big breakfast fans in our house. If M&D stay in bed too long, I will eventually make my own breakfast, spraying Rice Krispies liberally around the kitchen to make the point that they really should get up earlier. They can be heard audibly crunching their way round the kitchen as they attempt to hold back square-words. Mummy, on the other hand often contributes to the almost 4 billion breakfasts eaten on the go every year; she will often snack on cereal bars and fruit all morning. But she had never previously tried the various Breakfast Biscuits on the market, …

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Agenda: Wot so Funee?

Discovered during a clearout of GG’s room: What Mummy wants to know is how come I have so much time to sit on the carpet! She’s making a list of extra chores as you read… Now, if you have your own post to link this week, grab the badge code from the sidebar, and click the link below to enter your post – I can’t wait to see what you have! It’s not obligatory, but if you include a link back here in your own post, I’ll return the favour with a tweet-out. If you’re new here you can check …

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A half-term family holiday in France is closer than you think

It’s snowing. Again. I’m bored now, and instead of the excitement of a glittering white blanket of silence outside, all I see out of my bedroom window is another long day indoors. I might momentarily relish the slothful prospect of staying in pj’s, but such thrill soon dissolves, to be replaced by sibling quarrels as dirty as the grey slush which lines the gutters. What I need now is a holiday, or at least the delicious anticipation of spending my half-term break somewhere warm, with a great pool, lots to do, and close to a fabulous beach. The May half-term …

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Roast dinner: Wot so Funee?

  Homework by the Bug, aged 5: Now, if you have your own post to link this week, grab the badge code from the sidebar, and click the link below to enter your post – I can’t wait to see what you have! It’s not obligatory, but if you include a link back here in your own post, I’ll return the favour with a tweet-out. If you’re new here you can check out the Wot So Funee? main page for more info. Powered by Linky Tools Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list…

Costumes and ideas for World Book Day

World Book Day ideas: Saucepan Man from the Magic Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton

Our school stages a non-uniform “come as your favourite book character” day every year on World Book Day. In 2013 World Book Day will be on Thursday 7 March, and the Bug has been pondering his costume for a while. Would he wear my cast-off from a previous year? His answer was no, on the basis that not only has he never read the Faraway Tree (I know, right?!!), but that the saucepans have not fared too well for their 2 year secondment to the loft… So we were stuck, wondering what the best character would be. We don’t have …

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A very special delivery…

We seem to get a lot of stuff delivered by the postman. He staggers up our drive most days bearing cardboard packages and padded envelopes. Whether it’s a new Boden swimsuit, the ultimate in night-lights, or a simple pack of pva glue, he must dread the postcode alert that signals a visit to our house! Usually the parcel-delivery is down to one of two key factors: 1. An evening on Twitter, during which Mummy has succumbed to a tweet from Nickie, propelling her towards the very lovely but side-bar dangerous Zalando, where she is unable to resist another cool frock, …

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Kerplunk! Wot so Funee?

Daddy hates Kerplunk. Dress it up, sell the concept to the Early Learning Centre, and call it the Bee game, there is no disguising the fact that it is Kerplunk. And Daddy hates it. Hates the little bees that scatter all over the kitchen floor, managing to get as far as the fridge 5 metres away, where they lurk, tantalisingly visible, but unreachable. Hates the dread as he extracts a likely stick, certain of a disastrous losing cascade. And hates even more the set-up – all those sticks that must be painstakingly poked through not one, but two tiny holes. …

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Valentines Day crafts for kids

"pink fudge hearts for Valentine's day"

Are you the parent who gets up early on the morning of Valentine’s Day to post an ‘anonymous’ card through the door addressed to your child?  It’s a harmless activity and makes them feel good about themselves. But this year the Bug and I have made our own Valentines, and so can you. From full-blown candy-crush to simple Valentine’s card, kids can make it themselves, or with minimal adult support. Obviously you can’t spoil the dream by asking them to write a card to themselves (you can’t opt out completely parents!), but you can help out if they want to …

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Take a deep breath, and jump into the blue!

This time last year, the Bug was afraid of water. The weekly swimming lesson had to be tackled with a careful blend of patience, encouragement, tear-immunity, and McFlurry promises. If we could get him into the water without a tear falling, it would be brilliant; if the grumbling was allowed to take hold, an inconsolable wreck would be handed back 15 minutes later. So an element of trepidation hooked up with us as we hit the swimming pool on our Siblu holiday last July. We needn’t have worried: (Do watch to the end of this video; if you don’t have …

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How to make pancakes: recipes and fillings

"savoury pancake for kids"

I am nicknamed “The Hoover” in our family, due to an innate ability (Daddy has it too) to consume favourite foods before Mummy has even made it to the table. Pancakes hardly hit the sides, as demonstrated by the rapid demolition of my  ‘Crêpe Citron Chantilly‘ in Brittany last summer. So you can imagine my enthusiasm and impatience for Pancake day to arrive. So much so that we actually did it a week early! My plan was to have pancakes for breakfast (of the griddled, blueberry and maple syrup variety), something random and forgettable for school dinner, and pancakes for tea. …

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Eskimos rub noses…

When I was little, one of my first words was “tiss.” Apparently. Personally I can’t quite believe I was ever unable to utter anything less than a perfect articulation/dissemination/elucidation (see, told ya – eloquent). But Mummy, with her wont for recording cutisms from my past, insists it is so. So we kissed. And then we rubbed noses. Along with those daft games all mothers insist on playing with their babies, we rubbed noses: What do fish do? “Pwah pwah pwah…” What do piggies do? “An approximation of a chesty old chain-smoker…” What do Eskimos do? “Rub noses…” To this day, …

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A postcard from Davina and #TeamHonk for Comic Relief

This is a digital postcard sent from TeamHonk during their travels with Comic Relief in Ghana celebrating #goodwork. My postcard came with this message from Annie: “Here is Davina about to film in a school on the edge of a slum. This little chap was very taken by her as you can see! To get to the school we had to walk through a part of the slum which was really so far removed from anything we have ever experienced before. It’s hard to believe just how crowded the area is from this shot x” I cannot imagine how it …

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Things I like about you… Wot so Funee?

Last week we showed you our to-do list. One of the items read thus: Sit in a circle and write 20 nice things about the person on your left. Then pass it on and spend time reading why you are great! Whether driven by altruism, or by narcissism, this item was duly carried out. First by me, listing the Bug’s best qualities: Now, normally I complain about his copying me, but clearly that is just over-dramatisation, a skill I excel at, as detailed in Mummy’s praise-singing of me: Next up was the Bug, tasked with writing something nice about Mummy: …

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Choccywoccydoodah: the secret room (wedding story part 1)

As she turned the corner into Foubert’s Place and laid eyes on the shop, she stopped. “Oh, that’s the one,” she breathed. “That was my cake.” Only it wasn’t. The white chocolate wedding cake in the Choccywoccydoodah window had been the ultimate in cake fantasy as she had planned her wedding 13 years earlier. But despite the hours spent designing the colour and style of the chocolate flower decorations, that cake had never been hers. There was a budget; a budget that allowed for the wine (obviously), the cloak (not the dress, it was never about the dress), and the …

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Barbie breaks world record… Saturday is caption day…

This is the scene that greeted Mummy when she went to clean up the bathroom after our bedtime story. What on earth happened here? And if that’s whet your appetite, click the badge for more caption opportunities… Nominations are now open for the 2013 MAD Blog Awards. I was delighted to win the Best Schooldays category last year, all down to my lovely readers. I’d love to be in with a chance again this year, so if you’d like to give me a nomination click here to enter my blog address http://staging.actuallymummy.co.uk  You can nominate in any category but I think my best …

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To-do lists: Wot so Funee?

*Clears throat importantly* I know you’re all dying to read Wot so Funee? but first Mummy has an announcement… Yes, the Mad Blog Awards 2013 are now open for nominations! Last year we were lucky enough to win the MADs in the Best Schooldays category. We had the time of our lives and are so grateful to everyone who reads and shares this blog for making that possible. Of course, we would love to enter again, but that is up to you. If you think Actually Mummy is deserving of an award this year, we’d love a nomination in any or all …

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Book review: Monty and Milli: the totally amazing magic trick

By Tracey Corderoy and Tim Warnes. Review by the Bug, aged 5. My brother is not one for practising his writing. But he has recently acquired the ability to read, and can be found most mornings, long before M&D’s alarm goes off, poring over his books. Even the promise of pain au chocolat elicits a groan of disobedience when he is asked to abandon his literature in favour of dressing and coming down for breakfast. Perhaps this new-found ability accounts for his urge to review Monty and Milli. We’ve had The Totally Amazing Magic Trick hanging around for months, with …

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Why getting fresh air is important: 4/52

We have a tendency to laziness in our family. The first hint of rain sees us rubbing our hands in anticipation of popcorn and a film by the fire, all 4 of us snuggled under a fleecy blanket, hiding our eyes from the parts that make us squeamish (for me it’s Voldemort, for Daddy it’s more likely to be a scene from a path lab, or a lost labrador). But we can’t resist snow, and with the rest of the nation we duly donned our waterproofs and hiked our sledges to the nearest hill. The Bug, tearful at the prospect …

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Wot So Funee?

A while ago, we were featured in a magazine article about funny things that children say. They used all of our best quotes, leaving us only with the leftover scraps of humour and misunderstanding. However, they all made us laugh, and decided they too were deserving of publication: What do you think a Peplum is? It sounds like a kind of plum. (Insert explanation from Mummy). Oh. Is it plum-coloured? Where would you wear palazzo pants? Bug: you’d wear them when it’s hot. GG: Are they like hot-pants from the ’70’s. They sound like pretzels. (So where would you wear them?) Inside, when no-one’s …

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